Fruit Tuesday

I bite the bullet and return to Slimming World tonight; I resent Fruit (and limited fluids) Tuesday, but never more than after a run of heavy shifts when going off plan would provide much comfort. But I need to take my medicine, we all hate the taste of medicine, and return for a weigh-in this evening.

It's hard to not feel that I'm still carrying some of the excess of Cornwall; whilst I've reigned it in significantly since I then remember the odd chocolate popped here & there, the visit to the Bengal Lodge on Friday night, not to forget the disruption that last weeks nights caused. All off-plan, all that will make tonight's weigh-in harder.

Of course I could weigh myself up stairs now, confirm the damage (approximately), but then the bad news (it's bound to be bad) would impact on the whole day and I don't need to be in a grump all day ... even if it's all my own fault.

No, you sign-up to these things, it's important to do it properly. Go tonight with Liz, present a united front, weigh-in, deal with the consequences (take the medicine) and have a better week & be lighter next week.

I'm okay with the up's and down's of weight gain and loss, what I struggle with is the judgemental nature of the pair who actually weigh me in and their condescending attitude. I just want a cheerful hello, to allow me to step on the scales and then record the data, nothing more.

I'm also frustrated by many of my fellow Slimming World'ers, who often seem bewildered by foods. I'm also no doubt a little bit jealous of their weight-loss whilst not knowing what a butternut squash is. I find it very difficult to stay for group; the lengthy process of clapping each member who's lost weight and hearing the explanations of those who have not (excesses of holidays, chocolate popped here and there, meals out, etc) 

I guess at the very heart of it I am deeply ashamed that I even have to attend such a group, that my will power isn't strong enough to just eat normally. That it's never been strong enough, that I have always over-indulged, eaten for comfort, let it all get out of control. ASHAMED Ashamed that the short term satisfaction of excess eating outweighs the long term benefits of being thinner (healthier)

So today I starve myself, hoping that it will buy me a couple of extra ounces lost, a penance for all the sins of the previous week.

On a lone day-off between three long-days and two long-days, the sad truth is that I could really do with toast!