B2BLD's

Three back-to-back long-days are hard, although long-days aren't as long as they used to be so the turn around isn't so brutal, three is still very hard going. Perhaps 'cause of the miles walked, on Saturday I walked 8.66 miles, Sunday 9.21 miles and Monday 8.64 miles; 26.51 miles in total. Almost the exact distance of marathon; no wonder my feet are sore and my legs ache?

Thought I was pretty much in control on Saturday and Sunday, the shifts rolled along with only the occasional flutter of anxiety, but Monday was a different matter. Throughout Mondays shift,  from the moment I walked on the ward to the moment I left almost thirteen hours later, I never felt in control or on top. 

Only having two patients made me feel this way. Once again being rostered as HDURue I obviously had the sickest patient (no problem with that), to lighten the load on my colleagues I had another, who happened to also be the demanding patient. A combustible mother, no more than a child herself, whose son had been serious unwell (in hospital for a month already) and of whom many social problems had subsequently come to light. They remain with us to ensure a safe and full recovery, reestablish feeding, establish a bit of normality and resolve the numerous parenting / home / family issues.

I'd of had more than only two children (and their parents) in my care, but even only with this pair I really struggled. 

The sick one just got sicker and sicker, eventually deteriorating so significantly that he required moving to CICU (intensive care), intubation and eventual transfer to Birmingham Children's Hospital. This all came to a head only a couple of hours before the end of my shift.

I can't help but reflect back and consider that I had missed something or had become blasé? I try to comfort myself that he "wasn't right" from the moment he presented in hospital and swiftly became ill'er, that his cardiac condition (a birth defect) only had one outcome, but it offers cold comfort.  

The parents also young, under-educated, fair to say rough and obviously poor as church mice, were just overwhelmed. How do you explain that their newly born first child only twelve days old, is so unwell, broken from the very beginning? They didn't understand the need to upset their son with often painful tests and uncomfortable investigations, simply to keep him alive. I tried to explain things at a level they would understand, but they were numb, too confused to process the information given. 

The demanding parent became more demanding as her son improved, I know I will return tomorrow for a day full of discussions with social workers, health visitors, GP's and the like to ensure the ongoing safety of both the child and his mother.

I honestly don't think I could have returned today, I'm anxious at the prospect of returning tomorrow after a single day away.

Just focus on the week-end ahead; Big Country in Manchester on Friday and Record Store Day (The Shipyards Christmas Day in many ways) on Saturday. I hope for a jubilant celebration and also a peaceful rest.