Write Off!

Writing in December has been over-shadowed by Christmas preparation and the feeling I've been almost consistently in work this month. I should probably write off any further blogging until the new year.

The atmosphere at work is very poor and shows no signs of improving any time soon, staff are off sick, moral is very low, good will has gone on a sabbatical (a long-long sabbatical) unsure of when it will return. Demands are being made of everyone everyday at a time when under normal circumstances people would like to take it a little bit easier.

I'm distracted, disappointed and recent events have destroyed my confidence (rocked them at least) I wonder how long it is going to be until I feel 'normal' again? I'm focusing on the good- happy home life, love, pay protection, approaching Christmas, but still I don't feel right. I could do with 12b reopening again after a fairly length period of closure due to zero activity & admission, so I can regain my equilibrium somewhere safe.

I'm glad of a day off, I don't think I could of faced going in today. Tuesday on PICU drained me, left me feeling inadequate and hopeless; their skills are so far removed from those of a general children's nurse.

Their exceptional practitioners, but are jobs are not comparable. I'm also too sensitive, the care actually wounds me. Don't misunderstand I like working in close proximity with only a few patients; the meticulous nature of giving focused care and the accurate record keeping & documentation. But the children are just too ill and I find it too stressful. That life & death care.

I'd like to return to CHDU, to slay some of those dragons of the past, but surgery is where I'm apparently heading and with 24 hours to digest the fact I feel slightly more peaceful, I'll go with a good grace but will continue to push for an active & ongoing rotation. JAW (the new JK … always with the 'J' names) didn't endear herself with her initial approach. That doesn't bode well does it?