Asking questions, getting answers.

So distracted was I on Friday that I didn't even open my advert calendar; a sure sign of distraction (I was stressed). In truth I was a restless as I've ever been throughout the day, unable to settle to anything or sit still. I found myself pacing & wandering around the ward.

I had contented myself that it could go either way and prepared myself for a shock. The implication to my self-esteem and standing to not get a post verses the potential stress and demands that would be placed upon me if I was successful(?) From the first day the Management of Change process was announced I was never really sure that I wanted a senior position, so with a few days hindsight perhaps they were right to not give me a post after all?

That doesn't stop the hurt, rejection and shame.

It is necessary to have an explanation, so I need to ask why? Request a copy of my scoring, the justification about how it was achieved and comparable scores with similar colleagues. How can I move on, address any issues raised and improve, if I don't receive adequate guidance?

Then and only then can I truly believe that it was as equitable, transparent and fair as they continue to say it was. And every time they uttered this disputed fact, the less I believed them. The first time it was said by MM I had to bite my tongue so hard to avoid screaming out …

“You're lying!!!”

It's not been handled well by any means, from the issue of the first piece of information to the approaching end of the process (at this point). Factually inaccurate information, dismissal of potential pay protection, staff not being contacted in good time, wrong contact details recorded and when challenged not being able to provide necessary information there and then.

In the main they have appointed exceptional & deserving staff, but there are a few who have less experience, less skills, less time qualified and are less popular. They often say less is more, maybe it's true after all?