Feet

Someone posted this on Facebook, sadly my feet do not fit into such a narrow demographic (Roman'ish).  My feet are horrible.

I'm jealous of those people with pretty feet, mine are these flat ugly hunks of meat that end me. Problematic from my teens with countless episodes of ingrowing toenails; caused in equal part by inappropriate youthful footwear, unfortunate episodes (stubbed, clubbed, clipped, cracked & crushed) and lack of proper care. Leaving them as they are now; unsightly & unloved.

My feet are never destined to be objects of lust or desired by some foot fetishist or pervert. You'd have to be a real pervert to get your kicks out of these slabs.

Pale, dry, hard skinned and flat beyond words, with minimal arch. When the weight of life (and Rupert) is applied they spread; closer to flippers with digits than human feet

No nail on the right, a rhino horn on the left that tends to not only grow outwards but upwards as well. It's almost genetic, destiny at least. My Father and both my Grandfathers had  disfigured feet, and have (had) these almost identical thick discoloured nails on their great toes (the 'one' that went to market) sustained by trauma or fool hardy endever. 

I think my Dad dropped a paving slab on his many years ago, my toes have taken more abuse than can accurately be recoded- pierced with stiletto heel at concert, crushed by dropping a tin of industrial sized paint, stubbed my catching a shoelace on a end fixture causing me to fall very heavily*

My feet in summery ...

Left Foot

Went to market ... horn nail.

Stayed at home ... hammer toe.

Roast beef ... bends to the right.

Had none ... looks okay'ish currently.

Went wee wee wee all the way home ... undersized, chubby, minimal nail & turns out.

Right Foot

Went to market ... no nail

Stayed at home ... thin.

Roast beef ... also bends to the right

Had none ... too close to roast beef, unable to make his own decisions (move independently).

Went wee wee wee all the way home ... pointy.

I've been full of good intentions, numerous devices purchased to address these super-tough nails, to grind, file and mould. Creams, lotions & potions brought to apply to soften and moisturise. But like everything I rapidly tire of applying, become bored, lazy and half-hearted of their care

Foolish considering that I spend so much time on my feet and walk so far, their upkeep should be a higher priority.

My work shoes have seen better days. I have some insoles that slip inside, but they are old and also in desperate need of replacement. Flat, giving the impression they have been run over by a steam roller or stood on by an elephant (which I guess is fairly accurate) 

The sad truth is that I'm fairly careless in all elements of my own upkeep, everything simply seems like too much effort.

I do take some consideration in my personal grooming; hygiene is important when I'm in public, but I do have a tendency to let this slip when I'm housebound. It has recently been pointed out that there is a smell of burning 'south of the equator' 

Please dear, don't sniff my pants!

 

I get my haircut about every six weeks. Shave intermittently. Moisturise on occasion.

Try to brush my teeth twice a day for the recommended time, sometimes a consolatory scrub or swish with mouthwash only takes place. Occasionally I use dental sticks to clean between my teeth and gums, but flossing is a chore to far. Don't visit the dentist as frequently as I should due largely to fear following the treatments and trauma of childhood and especially my teens. I guess like a lot of things it comes down to being a bit of a jessie.

Tasks (chores) for my week-off: Buy new work shoes and insoles. Begin a rigid program of foot care and cream application. I could even book myself in with the chiropodist?!? Give them a warning, you better clear your afternoon to deal with these bad boys.

* Which also sustained an untreatable fracture to my left patella. Every time time I knelt for twelve months a convulsing electric shock would surge from my knee to my brain. It calmed down after a year or so, but kneeling ever since has never been comfortable.