Balance

I realised I was becoming very inward looking (again), so decided to take a brief step-back from blogging (at least so frequently) whilst I gained an improved sense of perspective & balance. I'm not sure if that has been achieved yet, but I'm certainly feeling slightly more even.Things don't get any easier at work, it feels that they dropping more on to me with every working day. I'm taking a deep breath, swallow back all the anxiety that flies up my gullet and try to ingest the next responsibility (burden) It's not easy, and neither do I pretend that it is; I am frightened, daunted and anxious. I'm not sure how it will end and in what kind of a state I will find myself in when it eventually does?

Wednesday often seems to coincide with a day-off, and of course Wednesday is Cleaner Day so it is often spent departing early and trying to keep myself occupied for three hours. The irony is not lost on me that I could use these three hours to do the cleaning myself and we could  then bin the cleaner, but I think we all agree that this probably isn't a very good idea.

Jobless and taskless today I've spent most of the morning hanging round an assortment of coffee shops, reading the paper, thinking and scribbling down ideas to include in my CV. Inspiration strikes at the strangest of times and although I am no closer to actually completing it (plenty of time, 18 days) today I am more peaceful.

Truth is I'm not even sure I really want a senior nurse job; I would happily take a band five post,
do two years with protected pay and spend the time considering my options and future. Who knows what will have happened and how things will change by 2014?

The embarrassment of failure verses the reduction in stress.

Embarrassment would swiftly fade, all my experience and knowledge would still remain and the prospect of just being a nurse certainly does appeal. EJT appeared to eventually find some peace & perspective yesterday after a difficult & stressful start to the new term; perhaps it seeped into me overnight in some sort of sleep osmosis. Forget about it being Revival Wednesday, perhaps it's perspective Wednesday? Long may it continue for both.