Family (to be revisited)

As a planned return visit to Richmond (Yorkshire) lays ahead of us I of course think of family- where do you start in writing about family and is it really necessary (no doubt I am often a huge disappointment to mine)?

When people appear aloof my nature is to always assume that I have either done or not done something to offend, it is often worst with family. I worry that I'm not as vivacious or available as others so rapidly go out of favour. Out of sight, out of mind. I've always felt I wasn't as popular as the actress, certainly I am more difficult (spiky, opinionated, awkward and uncomfortable), she is much easier to like- sunny, easy, undemanding. In many ways we are so very different.

I have learnt to avoid disagreements and distress we should never talk about politics, religion or finances with the actor or actress. Our opinions and beliefs are so polarised; any discussion always becomes too heated, so these matters are best avoided. Perhaps this makes our conversations bland, as these subjects provide some of the most interesting talks, but they are so unwavering in their beliefs and won't consider any other opinion that it simply isn't worth the hurt

In terms of wider family there was some distancing following who we did, who we did not and to what exactly we invited certain family to regarding our wedding. We would have liked to invite everyone to everything, but with approaching forty Uncles, Aunties and cousins (forgetting cousins children and other family members) on my side alone it simply wasn't possible. There were accusations that we played favourites, which to a certain extent we did (we had to) and who were "the chosen ones", which hurt. People tend to forget that they had eaten, drank and danced at my expense previously. I can understand disappointment, but the need to pass comment (semi) publicly distressed. Since this became apparent (and I confronted it) it has felt like a wedge between certain family members and myself, where there is already enough of a wedge because of distance and lifestyle differences.

I also worry that I have distanced friends by flippant comments, foolish actions and location. Plying one couples teenage son pepper vodka at a 40th birthday party, whilst the parents weren't fussed, I don't think it was a popular action with members of his older family. I felt I became the naughty boy parents refused to have over to play. Foolish. Being unable to meet another family on one of their very infrequent visits back to the Midlands because of our prior commitment to a family get-together. The intention was to meet following, but after eight hours of day drinking it was never going to be likely. Sometimes difficult decisions need to be made.

In all cases I fear the damage has been done, and that I'll struggle to repair. But in the end you have to just be yourself and keep on prodding. To question it outright would only lead to the discovery that you're not as important to them as they are to you.

In all the cases would I have done anything different, probably not.