Dining delights

Consequently we approach dining with great trepidation, do really want to make friends and sit on a table of four, six or eight. Perhaps we'd be better on a table for two ... far away from people ... to reduce potential 'torrets' outbursts by Mr. Todd?

By some error we are late for the first meal, obviously we're not the only ones as 20% of seats remain unoccupied. But significant anxiety grows as we are paraded through to table 56p (cheap at half the price) we survey every gap at every table with growing concern, will we be punished for our 7minute lateness? 

Dribbling women with crochet hair / Bad tempered looking man with mousey wife / A vision in leisure wear /Team blotchy.

Thankfully we are seated on a table for two, towards the back, out of harms way, away from the nice people ... and those with "needs"

They are already aware of Liz's allergies, but need further clarification. Artificial sweeteners certainly causes consternation ...

 "SUGAR???"

"No ... artificial sweeteners ... Aspartame ... like in diet coke?!?"

"We certainly won't be serving you diet coke madam!"

Our waiter goes to discuss his problematic clients with the chef, a few minutes later the head waiter comes over and the same conversation takes place. Eventually a solution is agreed, Liz will chose what she wants for the following day and the chef will ensure he doesn't toss in any artificial sweeteners.

But for tonight ...

"May I suggest melon ... but perhaps hold off on the mixed berry coulee?" 

At this point RT loses his sh*t (as the young people say) and nearly falls off his chair. Liz dicing with danger opts for a Prawn Marie Rose and will approach with caution ... they hold the rose. I guess the problem is that they hear allergy and think anathalaxis, which no doubt it could progress into if she bathed in pure aspartame, but with Liz's early warning mouth tingling and oral ulceration this is currently unlikely.

We are interested to see what tomorrow will bring ... Smoked salmon followed by lobster and mash potato (?) We decide to re-evaluate our dining choices for the remaining twelve nights.

Tonight the only option is to drink. There are nine bars and lounges on board, now all we have to do is find one that is suitably "us"

Andersons (too refined).The Crow's Nest. Harlequins (ballroom dancing). Lord's Tavern (sports bar) Pacific Lounge. Riviera Bar (closes at 7pm). Sunset Bar (closes at 6pm. False advertising, that's pre-sunset. Terrace Bar and Tiffany's (disco)

Hear it's been a super Saturday in the Olympics, we wouldn't know it's standing room only in the Lords Tavern and everytime I turn on the television in the room there's a program on about Pandas. Even so it appears that both Sky International and BBC World don't have the rights to show actual Olympic footage, so we have to trust the ticker tape (real) timeline that scrolls across the screen. I think it may have been more exciting to watch Jessica & Mo race than merely read about it?!?

Do we pass muster?

Few things in recent times have tickled either of us like the spectacle of 500 mainly elderly people trying to put on a life-jacket. I'd already had a dry run in our cabin, so this session could offer little apart from the discovery that they split in the middle and you don't HAVE to push your head through that little hole!?!  My ears are still recovering

Liz observed that all the ladies lifejackets were very nice & tidy, whereas the gents were a bit of a mess. Conclusion reached, most men had already had a play.

If the abandon ship command is heard it'll be a case of everyman (woman) for him/herself and we're probably best to just jump overboard. As you're dead stuck behind various mobility accoutrements (walkers, wheelchairs, etc) in these narrow corridors. I'll admit I didn't expect quite so many raspberry's.

We wonder why if you don't have to travel during the school holidays you do? Our cruising clan are 80% beyond the age of retirement, and many appear to approaching or beyond eighty. Why do they choose to travel in August when they could in June, July or September, get identical (if not better) weather and spend less money? Liz said it was just like Tesco, plenty of people head there on Friday evenings or Saturdays when they are completely able to go at other times. I hadn't thought of it like that.  

DAY ONE- Southampton

WELCOME ABOARD THE ORIONA 

It is clear Al Qaeda have never tried to blow-up a cruise ship. 

12.20pm exiting taxi, 12.35pm boarding ship, 12.40pm having a drink on deck. This really is stress free travel; the lack of stress makes me nervous.

Within five minutes of arriving onboard it is pretty clear that we are perhaps the youngest people on board. Maybe we are too young for cruising? Time will tell ...

"Oh look a child! Wasn't this suppose to be a child free cruise; I may complain?!?"

Lazy Sunday ... some hope!

Whilst EJT remained in bed following an early start yesterday, I thought I'd use the opportunity to briefly pop out to pick-up a few groceries & the Sunday papers, whilst she slept.
Driving into Stone town centre there appeared to be a high proliferation of New Years Resolution joggers out on the streets. Annoying self-righteous f*ckers, I nearly ran them over like a semi-rural game of Grand Theft Auto. The only comfort is that the novelty will have faded long before January is out and they'll be back in front of 'Something for the Week-end' with their mid-morning fry-up, their foolish exertion a dim and distant memory.
It always annoys me that the Co-op never seem to have a copy of The Observer irrespective of the time of morning I go on a Sunday, yet they have a previously unseen value-pack which pairs the Sunday Express and the Daily Star Sunday together; not exactly expected newspaper bedfellows- 'tits & trash' and 'the right-wing Daily Mail lite'. Obviously it must be a Co-op exclusive as I've never seen it elsewhere; the word exclusive gives the impression of quality, desirability and limited supply (hopefully), not this paired pap featuring a festival of baps, scare mongering and celebratory tittle-tattle.
Knowing EJT remained in bed (no text to announce she had risen from her slumber) I bobbed into Costa and because it was a nice dry day I made the most and sat outside. And that was my mistake ...
Rather than allowing me a peaceful half hour, sitting in the fresh crisp winter air and sun with a cappuccino and newspaper, an arguing middle aged couple (and their excitable dog) joined me at the next table whose disagreement rapidly turned to fisty-cuffs (she against him) Any episode of domestic violence can really put you off your mid-morning beverage and distract you from your reading.
This alone would have been band enough if we hadn't then been joined outside by a large noisy family pausing during their morning cycle ride to grab a drink (obviously they wanted to keep an eye on their bicycles) Understandably they were giddy with excitement at being out together (boisterous perhaps?) and that was lovely, but why did they feel it necessary to give their toddler teaspoons to play with. And the game he decided to play was 'throw the spoons on the floor' … and they kept picking them up and placing them back on his highchair … and he kept throwing them on the floor again. And the cycle went on … and on … and on … and on .. and on!!!

“JUST STOP GIVING HIM THE F'ING SPOONS!”

Waring couple. Over-friendly dog.
Screeching children. Clanging spoons.

None of which provided a conducive environment for a restful morning and I returned home more wound-up than when I left the house!

Costa Creche

I have clearly never visited Costa in Stone at 11.30am on a Thursday before; to open the door only to be confronted by the Costa Crèche. Every available seat and table was occupied by a Mother & Child, and every inch of space was taken up with buggies and various accouterments required to leave the house with a small child. No Fathers (no men in general) and no children over eighteen months.

It did not make for a conducive environment for a childless man to enjoy his morning cappuccino. I could of fled (and indeed I wanted to) but my caffeine craving was simply too great. It must be approaching a fortnight since my last coffee shop visit and the hunger was great.

New Years Resolutions & Revolutions

To allow an overriding sense of peace to descend.

To remain happy and well.

To resist the black dog and not allow recent issues at work and any situations arising from it to drag me into low mood, depression or ill health.

To reduce unpleasant outbursts, episode of tourettes and over-the-top swearing.

To be patient and slow to anger.

To be better, lose weight and attend gym for frequently.

To address my bread addiction, try to substitute buns & dough for things more nutritious, beneficial and less habit forming.

To tidy the garage. To make some space in the 3R's and generate some cash to plough back into our savings account.

To post more on the Wasting Land forum.

We shall see how I've done this time next year?

Hello 2012