DAY TWELVE- At sea *Winning Wednesday*

After some fairly incredible sleeps up to now the real world has started to interfere with my dozing over the past couple of mornings; thoughts of being back in Stone, returning to work and possible interviews ahead have invaded that half-awake / half-asleep time when it could go either way.

 This morning it appears that normal service really has resumed waking at the traditional around eight o'clock just as I would when in Stone. The sea has been more erratic overnight, I seem to have been increasingly aware of my environment and all the noises associated with a cruise liner (What's that knocking? Has someone left their door open? That television is loud, etc) 

It feels that at any moment the Captains voice will boom over the tanhoy and that really does wake you up. Knowing it's approaching and is unavoidable is in itself disturbing ...

"Hello this is your Captain speaking, I would like to wish you a very good morning. We are currently travelling (on a ship in the sea) in a Westerly direction at 32 Knots and expect to arrive in Kristansand at approximetly 8.19 tomorrow morning. May I also remind you I am opening the Russian bizarre at 9 o'clock and will be picking my Desert Island Discs at 11.15am. This morning for my breakfast I had weetabix" 

Of course Liz continues to stock up her sleep bank all in preparation for the demands of the new school year. I can't resent her sleeping, it is as much part of her holiday as eating & drinking well, seeing sites and spending time together. Perhaps the most important part for Mrs. Todd.

We are three days away from returning to Southampton, the break does seem to have passed quickly. I've never been the sort of person who says they are ready for a holiday to end or are even looking forward to returning home; whilst I am very content in my home life I much prefer being in that vacation bubble and wish it could last longer. Maybe if I have an extended break beyond a fortnight I would hanker for home and normality, but after only two weeks I could quite readily continue. I could even regulate my dietary and alcohol intake accordingly, prior to this point something had to give anyway, so some naturel omissions occurred. Obviously they'll go out of the porthole now as an end is very clearly in sight, although I doubt we'll have the four or five meals a day that some of our cruise companions partake in!

Matters aren't helped by not knowing when I'm actually back in work, I requested Monday off to get sorted and avoid the shock of one day being at sea the next being at hospital, but realistically I could be on anything from then onwards. The prospect of returning to work is also made harder knowing Liz has a further couple of weeks off, although I know she'll be up to her neck in preparation for the new school term and all the demands being a head of department will bring. Still rather jealous of the flexibility those two weeks provide.

Liz is still dead to the world following my shower which I'm sure would disturb her as I crashed & banged around the little bathroom, so I pop up for breakfast, returning with a little picnic for Mrs. T for when she eventually wakes.

 She'll want to get up soon'ish or she'll miss craft class, I'll give her another 30mins. I make my way to the rear of the boat not far from our cabin, already the sun deck is starting to fill, but by a piece of spectacular timing & luck I manage to secure our premium loungers once again. Although Baltic weather can change very rapidly I realise it's going to be an utter scorcher and I'm completely unprepared. I really need to apply some sun cream, grab my hat & a towel, change into some lighter weight shorts and lighter coloured top; black is certainly not the colour for today and a paperback & iPad provide little protection from the sun rays or the heat. But I don't want to lose our spot, it's unavoidable, but for the moment ... ... ... endure Toddy!

I'm fearful of saying it might be too bloody hot, but it might be too bloody hot! I don't think I'll be able to sit out for long.

It doesn't seem to be causing many problems to other people, perhaps it's true "Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun"

I expect a leisurely morning and a game filled afternoon; there's a roulette completion at mid-day, I have the third round of my at sea quiz at 3.30 and a pop quiz at 4.30. I'll happily forgo the pop quiz and roulette, but I feel committed to my quiz team, even though I am surely our weakest link by some margin. I like to think my relative youth fills some knowledge gaps, these gaps could be broadly described as trivia & frivolity and there is little pride in that.

I realise all these events take place inside away from the sun which seems rather sad; I've never played shuffleboard or coits and it's a little intimidating to start today, I fearvitbwould be competitive. No todays outside activity will be limited to short bursts with my book or writing here (writing about what, I'm not sure, no doubt circumstance will dictate and inspiration will eventually strike) at least this will ensure I don't burn.

When we look back on our cruise today it will be remembered as Winning Wednesday. 

After the roulette heats Liz was positioned fourth (176) and I was positioned fifth (175), it was all very tense as only the top five would go into the afternoon final to play for the pot (like it actually matters?) Each player had to pay £5 to enter the tournement and this provided the prize pot, for the final who ever had the largest amount of chips after five spins would be declared the winner. Thankfully no one beat my low'ish score despite some people making some very bold gambles to secure their place.

In a game of chance there can be no real game playing strategy; Liz went for the cover as many numbers as possible option and I went for the pick four numbers and stick with them (retain any winnings and do not bet 'em) option. Luckily my strategy won out, number 32 came up on game two and 18 in game five. At game five I knew that it would take a bold play to catch me as no one else had bet on the actual number to come up, only neighbours. To confirm my win 18 came up and it cemented my victory and I walked away with £75, a free bingo card and a little gold P&O sticker (and the promise of a free drink)  

This means we now have £115 in casino chips locked away in our safe, waiting to be cashed for sterling.

Not being bingo players, in the same way we're not gamblers, we gave away the bingo card to one of Liz's friends from Craft Class and wished her luck.

We weren't aware of the shiny stickers until this point; if we were I fear we'd have had a very different holiday as Liz is very motivated by the receipt of shiny rewards. Apparently for every win at an official quiz, game or event you receive a sticker, at the end of the cruise each sticker gets you a prize (one sticker gets a key ring, etc) 

I don't think I'll ever see that free drink though?!? 

Liz went to her second craft class of the day and bolstered by my win of utter chance I met up with my At Sea quiz mates; not such a good day today with a score of 16/20. We are hoping that our commitment and consistency will win out and this way we may secure further shinys by playing the long game. We felt many of our rivals had opted to stay in the sun, their lounging could allow us to win via the backdoor.

In the mood for quizzing we made our way to the Lords bar for a Pop Quiz, where we secured another decisive victory (38/40) and a further shiny gold sticker. It looks like we'll be getting more than a P&O keyring, but probably not much more?

DAY ELEVEN- Kalipedia

Well folks there isn't much going on in Kalipedia, as Liz so accurately pointed out ..?

"It'll be a while off them getting a Red Bus Tour here ... and when they do you'll only hop on 'cause there won't be anywhere to hop-off!"

It is true that currently there isn't a great deal to particularly do or see, you have to wonder why P&O have opted for a stop here? Common (or at least tourist) sense would suggest bypassing Lithuania completely and two stops in Norway, in fact this may have once been the plan as the in-cabin literature incorrectly states that following Tallinn the next stop would be Bergen.

Not to down play Lithuania at all, I am sure there are many reasons to visit, but as a tourist stop Kalipedia, even as Lithuania's third largest city is somewhat of a let down.

We stopped at a coffee shop which not only delivered an excellent (and very cheap) americano but also had free wi-fi, allowing us a rare opportunity to communicate with the outside world. We also fell upon an amber store and picked  up some fairly priced items for folks back home. I'm not sure how to check the authenticity of amber; do you bite it, wash it or suck it (does bare a sticking resemblance to barley sugar)? Imagine how your heart would sink sucking on this perceived piece of quality jewellery only for your mouth to suddenly come alive with a sugary rush. Worst still for it to disolve and to find your mouth filled with lots of tiny dead insects added to give authenticy. 

So although still trapped at the oral phase I managed to resist the tempation to see what amber tasted like and instead contented myself with gazing briefly over it with a magnifying glass and giving it a swift but firm rub. 

On returning to the cabin we found a survey about Kalipeadia; our activities whilst in port, time spent and general opinions on the place. It is clear that this is a relatively new destination for P&O and one that they are perhaps trying to develop for their own gain. I imagine that this will remain a solid fixture on the Baltic cruise and with each subsequent visit facilities catering for tourists will increase. As we have constantly seen facilities for cruise liners and their passangers can make or break a port. 

Thought we'd have a little sleep as the ship departs Lithuania, prior to this evenings activities ... whatever they maybe?!? Sadly my sleep didn't last long; first the Captain provided us with an in-depth explanation of our planned journey across the Baltic sea and the journey we'd take on our sea day over the tanhoy. I just managed to doze slightly  before being woken by a crescendo of the chorus of The Beatles "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" as many of our fellow passengers were directed (rather loudly) in Sailaway Singalong. It's then progressed into a few 60's pop tunes before beginning series of Nationalistic British Anthems- "There'll Always Be An England", "Land of Hope & Glory", "Rule Britannia" 

As we know Liz can sleep through war so the carawailing of a few hundred would not disturb, sadly I was awake by "Delilah" and out of bed and perplexed by all that followed. All in rather bad taste perhaps, worst still when it disturbs one of my very occasional afternoon sleep.

As the National anthems(?) drew to close, hysteria took over as the familiar tones of Status Quo's "Rockin' All Over The World" began and my inquisitiveness grew. I had to go and explore, amazed by what I found. Each open deck at the rear of the boat was overtaken with passengers waving Union Jack's and flags & banners hanging from many points. Hundreds of passengers were singing their little hearts out and waving their flags like their lives depended on it.

At first I was unsure, as I've said I wasn't entirely comfortable with the sensitivity of it all, but witnessing it all and seeing everyone having such fun it would be churlish to not admit it all looked a bit of a lark. Perhaps we should try and witness the final  Sailaway Singalong when we depart Kristansands?

On exiting our cabin I found Tushar (the Indian gentleman who looks after our cabin) watching, I'm not sure what he thought of this spectacle, his assistant a little Thai chap (how patronising) looked utterly bemused. No doubt they have witnessed such going on before, but I wanted them to know this was not normal behaviour and made light of the silliness of it all. This seemed to be well received.

We are very grateful for the service we have received, especially from the predominantly Indian & Asian staff who work so hard and appear to only get a few hours off each day. Tushar shared with us that he wouldn't get a full day off for six months, consequently we made more of an effort to leave the room tidy in a vain attempt to reduce his daily work load.

 We think this may provide an explanation as to why no young British people appear to work on board, especially in the service areas. They have neither the work ethic or would be willing to put up with such conditions; although as a British company surely P&O have to abide by employment law and restrictions to  minimum wage & shift patterns? 

The Baltic sea is the roughest we will encounter during our trip, we have slept for much of the time we have been on it up to now. But on the lengthiest part of our journey to Norway we will obviously be awake to experience choppier waters. Sea sickness was a big worry prior to setting sail and it's only this late afternoon that we have felt a bit grotty as the boat lunges a bit. A further explanation could be that we have had a few drinks since re-boarding and maybe a little hungry, so this exaggerates the apparent nausea?

As we cross the Baltic we're going for a Balti (okay it's Tandoori night, but let's not allow accuracy to ruin a pun) ... that is of course if we can stomach it?

 

DAY TEN- Tallen

I am sure that 90% of Tallens income comes from the many cruise liners that arrive in it's harbour each and everyday. I have never encountered one city so committed to tourism.

A picture postcard almost medieval city, but there is little to see or do beyond walk through the Old & New Towns and admire the architecture. If you want tourist tat then Tallen is the place, if admittedly much cheaper than elsewhere we have visited. Liz is keen to find an amber broach to commemorate our Baltic adventure; we saw a perfect one featuring an owl whilst in Copenhagen which although pricey we haven't seen one to compare since. Tallen has dozen upon dozen stores specialising in amber, if we couldn't find something here then we weren't going to find it anywhere. Although plentiful the quality just didn't seem to be there ... and very few owls. 

"Perhaps I should get a butterfly???"

I didn't even realise we were visiting Estonia during our trip, but that should come as no surprise as I did think we were stopping in Oslo which we're not. Clearly I took significant notice of the cruise schedule prior to setting sail, perhaps I just turned my ears off? Estonia also exposes further deficits in my geography & international knowledge, all Estonia contours up is thoughts of the European Sing Contest. Nil points Mr. Todd.

Liz is utterly hopeless at just sitting, although excellent (Gold medal standard in fact) at sleeping. Returning to the boat we thought we should make the most of the sun and top up our vitamin d levels by sitting out. Liz even purchased some exquisite wool and knitting needles to occupy her whilst outside, but within mere moments of sitting down I could here tutting from my right as Mrs. Todd became increasingly frustrated by her wools inadequacies. I could offer little support, my knitting knowledge is up there right with Estonia. She returned the naughty wool to the cabin and came back with her book, but again in minutes was shuffling, tutting and restless. Can you imagine how distracting it is to be sat next to such a fidget, she couldn't relax and consequently neither could I. 

"What is the matter?"

"I'm too hot!"

We moved to another lounger which was situated slightly more in the shade, but I predict that within twenty minutes she have retreated back to the cabin for a little sleep- honestly it's like being married to Orinoco from the Wombles. Obviously she'll need a 'better value' sleep to ensure that she can function beyond eight o'clock.

"I might go for a swim!"

"I'll come with you if you do?"

"Nah ... can't be ars ... bothered!"

It appears that many of our fellow passengers have returned from their respective tours & excursions. Our large cushioned  loungers are now prime Oriana real estate and those on the less desirable fabric loungers look on with envious eyes. I don't know the etiquette of moving for the elderly or more apparently deserving, but after the jostling, pushing, shoving & general bad manners we have frequently witnessed I'll admit we're not very inclined to give up anything without prior knowledge of their own etiquette or overall niceness.

Another Gala night (black & white) and for the Todd's another meal in the Sorento restaurant, I think we may have finally waved goodbye to the Peninsular once and for all. Another excellent italian meal was had, the restaurants position on the twelth deck provides the best views when dining and we were blessed with beautiful views of a calm sea as we travelled at sunset towards Lithuania.

 After went back to the Casino, our third visit to the roulette wheel. A lot of the evening activities haven't held much appeal; the talks badly timed, the shows dated and rather cheesy, even the games largely feature competitors made up of members of the ship entertainment team. Time alone without distraction in precious, there is more value sitting on the cabins balcony  together reading or having a cocktail looking out to sea than enduring the panthion of inflated egos who perform in the theatre each night. We both wish the entertainment was more Todd friendly, we would have liked to have seen a few things, something different. But when we have tried we have either not being able to get a seat or have been overwhelmed by the sheer awfulness of it all. 

 Despite wins and loses we depart the casino after playing for one hour up the gargantuin sum of five whole pounds, and £65 in chips now sits in our cabin safe should the mood grab us again. We both agree that it is unlikely we will win back the total cost of the cruise but for entertainment value it's been worth that initial outlay. It is easy saying that knowing that we will not lose any proper money from now on and that neither of us will be making a mad dash to join the local casino on returning to Staffordshire. In all things meanness overwhelms. 

We have been perplexed by a friendly gentleman who we met on our first night in the casino and provided some gaming guidance and since have frequently seen in around and about. He looks so familiar and we've been racking our brains to try and recall why or from where? 

Is he a game show host? 

A 1970's comedian? 

Does he come from Richmond?

Is he a friend of my Uncle Keith?

Does he have a Norfolk accent, does he simply have the tone and mannerisms of Nana.

It's quite a difficult thing to bring up, what should your initial question be?

"I'm sorry you look awfully familiar ... where do we know you from?"

It becomes almost a real life version of Guess Who without the picture flicker board or more perhaps an exaggerated version of 'Who am I?'

"Do you come from Yorkshire?"

"... Norfolk?"

"... Staffordshire?"

"... Dorset???"

"... the flaming Cotswolds?!?"

"Did you know Bernard Manning?"

"Do you have a catchphrase?"

"Are you Roy Walker?"

All very uncomfortable for the poor chap, we may never know!

 We are of course both reminded on Liz previous brush with potential celebratory spotting, a familiar face who she kept seeing on her daily commute to school from Meir Hay and was sure was "Very, very famous". After a month or so of considered thought and deep trawling of the Chadwick memory banks revealed himself to actually be her optician. Although no doubt very good at opthomology, he couldn't be described as famous, he wasn't even renowned in Stoke-on-Trent

DAY NINE- St. Petersburg (Day 2)

Whether it be the air or the exercise yesterday completely drained us, we got back to the Oreana just before six and were begging to be allowed to go to bed by eight o'clock. 

Despite such an early night I awoke at 10.10 and Liz was dead to the world, thankfully today's tour of the Hidden Russia doesn't leave until 1.30pm which allows us both time just to get ourselves together. I perform my ablutions and intend to sit on the balcony until Liz rises, but whilst happy to forgo breakfast (or brunch by now) I am desperate for a coffee. I could make one in the room, but the associated clattering would no doubt disturb the beast, so opt to bob up to the Conservatory. As I'm about to leave the mould of pillows and duvet makes a plea ...

"One more hour. Please one ... more ... hour!!!"

I exit the cabin like moleman into dazzling sun, it is probably the brightest day we have witnessed so far; the amount of creased, crinkled & crumpled elderly skin is beyond description and there's a potent smell of singed flesh. It's a good job I'm avoiding breakfast, I may never eat bacon again?!?

I am in no place to talk, I am now officially a barrel. All my formal clothes are a bit on the snug side, I feel utterly rotund and I wonder if Liz is feeling much the same? Perhaps a reason we have opted to attend the more low-key dining events?

 My night time musings whilst lying in bed are filled with thoughts of increased exercise, improved diet and general do-better-ness. I have promised to join Slimming World on our return, initially this was to avoid further nagging and to support Liz, but now I think it's essential.

Is this my last hurrah as a fatty or is it just that I have the will power of a sponge? I'm quite proud that I have avoided breakfast without Liz's steadfast & guiding hand, when grabbing a coffee it would have been too easy to just grab a few pastries (so easy, she'd never know) but I Wobbly-Rotund-NoWillpower Toddy resisted. Okay the truth is when I got there the restaurant was in that brief downtime between breakfast and lunch so I grabbed the coffee and FLED.

Better wake Liz, it's been an hour.

Hidden scenes was meant to provide an insight into some of the parts of Russia not seen on the everyday tourist trail, whilst being arranged with the tourist in mind, certainly some contradiction. From the beginning it seemed more chaotic than yesterday's smoothly run (almost a military manoeuvre) tour, with a definite air of danger. Today's guide appeared younger, less infused and more surly and was let down by technology from the very beginning. The personal transmitters which allow you to hear your guides commentary even if not standing in close proximity failed to function meaning that at the first port of call (a traditional community church) everyone seemed a little lost and unsure of the purpose of us being there?

From there we walked up to an underground station and had a little ride around St. Petersburg, often I thought we were destined to lose someone, especially as we negotiated escalators and hopped from one metro line to another. Just as well we did this trip on a Sunday, I would have been utterly fearful doing it during the working week or at rush hour.

On to an authentic (there's that word again) Russian market, which I would suggest was identical to any indoor market in any place? In fact just like Longton market but with less buttons and more fresh fruit & veg. There was little opportunity to purchase, it was very much a food market rather than a tat market. Food is one thing we certainly don't need on the Oriana, yet Liz still walked away with half a kilo of cherries, two apricots (one mouldy) and a couple of tins of caviar. The green grocer certainly saw Liz coming waving her remaining 200 rubbles as she approached ...

"Half a pound of cherries, 200 roubles!"

Some half-hearted negotiation brought the price down 50 roubles, but I don't think we could claim any level of victory or success as the scales showed the cherries weighted significantly less than 500g (closer to 375g) 

What would Brussels have to say about that?

We walked through the shopping district to a cafe for tea and pastries where you had to sit in threes, the most unsociable of numbers. Panic insured when we enquired if we could possibly have coffee instead of tea, of course but we'd have to pay an additional sum. Not a problem we thought, except they only accepted roubles or credit cards, all our cards remained secure in the safe on the boat and following the cherry episode we only had 70 roubles remaining, not the 90 required. So we remained drinkless, but a galant couple very kindly offered to take our undrunk tea off our hands. Both the apple strudel and blackberry spongey thing were very nice, but would have benefitted significantly from a drink to accompany.

The coach collected us outside the cafe and we returned  to Oriana forty-five minutes before setting sail for Tallin, which neither of us knows anything about whatsoever.

Guilt means we are returning to the Peninsular restaurant this evening, it's smart dress tonight so it means dressing up wherever we go, and it feels like bad form to not try to return once more. We intend to hit the casino following. A later meal and roulette are all part of our plan to attempt to stay up beyond none o'clock, will we manage it ... ... ...

DAY EIGHT- St. Petersburg

We mustered in the theatre at the oddly ungodly hour of 8am in preparation for our full-day tour of St. Petersburg. Be it the air, the food, the drink, the gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) bobbing of the sea or just flat out exhaustion post-work now stopping, we are both sleeping so well and constantly feel a little tired. 

I bet our fellow cruisers look on at our Cotton-wool headed state with amazement ...

"Isn't it incredible that those two young people with learning difficulties manage so well. They probably couldn't cope with a holiday with people of their own age? Oh look she's got her pudding & starter on the same plate!"

Anyway we managed to drag ourselves to the theatre, negotiated Russian passport control, located our coach and joined our elected guide for the day ... all without any help.

The morning was spent driving from spectacle to significant site and being dropped off for short periods to explore. For such things to work it is important that you have some sort of reference point or knowledge to refer back to. Despite the guides exceptional and extensive commentary my knowledge of Russian history was very poor. There is little to no reference made to Leningrad or the Communist times of the USSR. I was keen to pick up a piece of Communist propaganda, a postcard or badge, but it appears that it has been airbrushed from history ... at least the parts of history we were allowed access to today.

On official tours there is always that nagging feeling that everyone's on the make, that you are not always taken to the right places just the places that our right for the tour company  or the family / friends of the guide?

"This is the best place to buy authentic Russian souvenirs, we shall spend half an hour here"

After spending a good percentage of our Roubles here only to find identical items being sold at half the price later on the street bazaars. On a plus note at least we are actually spending the blooming things, I think we both had visions of returning to the UK with them untouched & useless. Purchased with the best of intentions, but left out of pocket.

Lunch was included in our full-day and we were taken to an authentic Russian restaurant (probably brother-in-law of the driver); with authentic food (vegetable salad, beef stroganoff, apple tart) accompanied by a glass of authentic Russian fizzy plonk, with a performance by authentic musicians performing authentic songs and authentic dance in authentic dress, followed by authentic hard sell. It was all very authentic ... and was actually rather nice.

With a reported three million (or was it three billion) works of art curated by the Hermitage it was clear that we were not going to make even the smallest of indents in the three hours hours designating to visiting the biggest museum in the world. A lot of time was spent viewing significant pieces of Russian historical art, completely understandably. Then we marched part every significant artist from the seventeenth, eighteenth & nineteenth century- Monet, Gogan, Goya, Matisse, Renoir, etc. If you are deemed import then you were then, expect Van Goth. 

We were unsure why Van was not represented, perhaps his work doesn't come up for sale very often and if it does it is beyond the Herms budget (sounds unlikely) As far as we could see, apart from a temporary exhibition of young Russian artists, the most modern artists represented were Picasso & Matisse, but how they was represented. Two dozen major works by each, donated to the Herm by two benefactors from their private collection. As in all things it was alluded that there was always the significantly more not on display.

By this point we were both spent, but there was one final part included in our trip, a short performance by a choral society, not something we could opt out of. My feet were heavy and my brain sluggish (high-lighted by tripping over a ruffle in the carpet and nearly falling flat on my face) as we entered the venue. The performance was very soothing and I felt myself drifting off, a deep jab in the ribs from my beloved curtailed any further contemplation of the performance with my eyes closed.

Pity those who had to then turn themselves around rapidly to head out to an evening at the ballet or a folk music performance, we just about managed to get to our cabin, splash some water on our faces and head up for tea. Clearly the Oriana knows it's clientele very well as it was British night which offered basic hearty (stodgy) food (not eight pints and a curry followed by a fight) Simple food for simple folks, just what was required. Very swiftly we were back in our cabin watching a movie which Liz dosed through and which I endured to the end but would struggle to retell if anyone cared to enquire about the story (Man. Talks too much. There's a tree. Leafs fall off tree. Man learns valuable lesson. Happy ever after. The End)

We fell asleep ...

DAY SEVEN- Helsinki

Helsinki was indeed über-cool as expected, it was also extremely cold. 

Really we should have known by Finland's iced reputation, but we were lulled into a false sense of security by the sunshine and departed the boat in shorts and a tshirt, regretting this error within moments of getting on today's bus.

There is an apparent fundamental floor in the principle of Hop-on / Hop-off buses, in after hopping off another bus should arrive fairly soon in order to hop-on  again. The time spent at various attractions waiting for a bus appears to grow more lengthy at each stop and in every country. An hour spent waiting in a wind tunnel left us both dithery & wanting the toilet. To move away from the stop almost guaranteeing that a bus will arrive, a lose lose situation.

Again the bus stop was directly opposite not one but two record stores. I'm very conscious of how boring it must be for Liz to hang around these places, often in the least salubrious of locations. Today's was a pretty exceptional store, which if I had known we would have a lengthy wait outside I would have explored more thoroughly. 

I firmly believe that if you spend any significant amount of time in a record store searching you will eventually uncover a hidden gem and after seeing stuff remaining in the racks from Record Store Day whilst in Stockholm I believe some great stuff is sitting on Scandinavian shelfs just waiting to be picked-up (just not by me it appears?)

Scandinavia appears to be significantly more vinyl friendly than the UK where it remains somewhat of a niche market despite reports of a growing scene once more. All music buyers here irrespective of age seem to be purchasing records over compact discs, it's most refreshing (new releases are equally well represented)

Finland, along with Sweden and Norway is renowned for it's notorious Black metal music scene shrouded in mystery and dark tales. Many from all over the world make a pillgramidge to Scandinavia to search out artifacts and visit significant sites (making it sound like a Munisco World Heritage site) So it is smart business sense to stock an (un)healthy back-catalogue of the scenes innovators as well as the current pioneers, all stores feature albums liberally decorated with occult symbols, goats, demons and devils. 

All of which scares the crap out of me, the closest I've come to Black Magic is the disappointing chocolate box. The music itself is something which holds equal appeal with eating a pick'n'mix of staples, drawing pins and paper-clips, I have always feared the metal and am most fearful of this particular celebration of the macabre. Just seeing the sleeves in the rack makes me desperate to flee and to hear it playing over the PA ....

I'm such a musical sponge and I am hopeless beyond words at linguistics, I am fearful that some evil incantation would enter me by musical osmosis and I'd be unable to expel the Nordic chanting.

So still waiting ... by the time a bus did arrive we were both feeling that we were ready to head back to the Oriana, sadly another City which we hadn't done justice to in anyway. We grabbed a coffee and a bite to eat which left us slightly better disposed to seeing further sites of Helsinki, but once back in that biting wind our resolve disolved. The bright yellow funnel of Oriana pulled us back with promises of warmth and delicate afternoon tea type things.

Liz heads to bed once we're back, we are concerned that she has caught a chill? Despite the Oriana's best efforts following her Slimming World successes she doesn't have the padding to match me and is still shivering an hour after going to bed. She's still struggling to dispel the remnants of her sinusitis and continues to report a drippy nose. I don't think we can afford a second visit to the medical centre, I am slightly less well disposed towards them after finding out we were charged over £5 for 12 paracetamol tablets. I think they would have dispensed more but Liz told them we already had some in the cabin, so this was clearly the preferential option to giving us NONE?!?

Liz's little sleep stops provide me with the opportunity to catch up here, read and explore previously missed areas of the boat. With our cabin towards the rear of the boat we have tended to base ourselves at that end, so whilst Liz snores I venture towards the front discovering another dining area and bar that does more hearty (and less bread focused) snacks from 10am until 6pm. I had a tiramisu just to show that I wasn't there simply for a nose around and had arrived with a purpose, the purpose of pudding. Sometimes it's probably best Liz isn't with me, it would only bring shame ...

Returning to our home end at the back I parked myself up in one of the sun bathing areas, although little sun could be seen. Again trying to make polite conversation with the lady next to me whose book was being blown asunder I commented that it was a bit blustery ...

"Blustery! Blustery! Where's your Dunkirk spirit?"

I really don't know why I bother, her Dick Francis could of blown in the drink for all I care. 

"I think I must have left it back in Staffordshire ... I've been mainly drinking Boddingtons since I came on board the Oriana!"

Back to the cabin I go for Liz to wake briefly only to tell me she's still cold. I lay more bits of fabric (throws, towels, dressing gowns, etc) on her in an attempt to try to warm her up, like an exaggerated and over sized version of Buckeroo knowing she'll wake with a start and I'll have to pick 'em all up again.

I retreat onto the balcony wearing layers, it really is awfully difficult to read in the pitch black that is required to assist Liz to get a 'Better Value' sleep and the tic-tic-tic of my iPod would no doubt disturb? It's fairly cold and windy still, but at least it provides some shelter, shelter until I find water pouring down onto the balcony as they was the windows on the floor above. A bit of sharp chair shuffling and some equally sharp explosions of language, mean I avoid getting very wet and I place myself up tight to the patio doors to avoid further deluges. I await the Sing-along Sail-away with bated breath.

It just seems like one of those days?!?

We are due to depart for Russia shortly for our full-on two days in St. Petersburg, the only official tours we have arranged up to this point, a surprise considering how successful our self-motivated exploring has been. From the literature being distributed by P&O it seems that the majority of passengers will abandon the ship tomorrow, it all seems very well organised, we await our paperwork telling us exactly when and where we must muster in the morning. 

We vow to get an early night in preparation and limit our boozing this evening, no bottles of wine or visits to the casino for us tonight. We also resolve to pack a jumper or coat irrespective of the weather on waking or reports from the Captain and ensure we secure our credit cards and currencies discretely around our person, fuelled by reports of tourists being easy pickings.  

Perhaps this is why we are so vulnerable highlighting our mega-tourist status; if I was criminally minded I know I wouldn't be focusing my attentions on people such as us, looking instead towards the more vulnerable and infirm, but perhaps there really is honour amongst thieves? For this reason I will be keeping my roubles in my socks, god help us if we need to make a purchase.